The trick of your mind

The trick of the mind is to make you think that it is something… your thoughts are nothing… there are no monsters that push you to do stuff… like let’s say smoking… there are just fears of something and your urge to act according to a learned pattern instead of having a free decision-making process. I passed through the valley of excruciating fear, exhaustion, sadness—the valley where I wished for a broken limb instead of a broken brain. as I though it was more bearable My mind was on a freewheel spinning disk that I could not control, and for each turn of the wheel a knife was hitting my soul; for each spin of the wheel I was suffering torture of the mind and I could not escape from it. Day and night it was turning in my head no matter what—I could not sleep, I could not rest. I bore my cross day after day. My mind was a prison and it was my own torturer while I was looking for an escape. From every pain you can distance yourself, but how do you distance yourself from your own mind? My way was to understand it all, deconstruct every corner, understand the why and the chain of thoughts… as long as I could go, I began with my 6-year-old traumatism… until my then 28-year-old me. I understood every little piece of my psyche and could bring light to my current fears. Rationalisation was my way to get away…. Once you put a light in the darkness, darkness is no more.